Depression and Suicide
Published on Tuesday, Dec 10, 2024
Written by Connor Molly, Psychotherapist, MSW, LICSW and ACS Team Members
Sadness is a common emotion that we are all familiar with, but sometimes that feeling can take over a person’s life, and when this happens, we typically call that depression. Depression does not just mean that someone is not cheerful, it often results in them not enjoying the people and activities they used to enjoy, thinking they are not a good person, and having the belief that there is no point in doing anything – including getting out of bed or off the couch.
People experiencing Depression may struggle with a variety of symptoms it can be difficult to understand from the outside, these include fatigue, unexplained physical pain, sleep issues, slowed thoughts, and difficulty with concentration and memory. These symptoms combined with the painful emotions we typically think about when we think about Depression are part of what differentiates depression from typical bouts of sadness or disappointment, and why it can be so challenging to cope with. Sometimes the pain of these feelings makes people not want to live any more. This can result in the action of suicide. It
is important to know that people typically come to this conclusion after a painful internal journey, and it does not speak to their strength, their faith, or their love for their family.
Afghans and other people who have been forced to leave their homes and resettle abroad are at heightened risk for Depression due to specific stress factors such as the impact of war and displacement, the loss of loved ones, being separated from family, and loss of familiar sources of meaning and connection.
Suicide is a taboo topic in many cultures, and it is also an overwhelming concept for all of us to contemplate. In Afghanistan, suicides in families and communities are hidden and can be seen as a source of shame. But sadness and despair thrive in silence, and the best thing we can do for our community is to be able to talk about it. Discussing suicidal thoughts and feelings is not a sign of weakness or a sin but an opportunity to seek help. The one who confides his or her suicidal feelings to you is seeking connection, and this itself is one of
the antidotes for despair.
“What should I do if a friend seems depressed, or I worry they may consider suicide?”
Some warning signs for this happening are if people talk repeatedly about feeling as though they are a burden on others, withdrawing from social life, becoming more secretive with their feelings, or starting to give away their possessions.
If you feel concerned, ask them questions about how they are doing, truly listen, and demonstrate that you care about them. Because most of us are caring individuals, it is tempting to say ‘everything will be okay,’ but that can make someone feel invalidated. Instead, you can remind them they are not alone, highlight the strengths you know about
the person and what makes you care about them, spend time with them, and congratulate them on the courage it takes to share a difficult emotion.
It is important to recognize that someone else’s depression is not about us, so comments such as “how could you do this to me,” and “don’t you love me” may not be helpful to someone going through a difficult emotional time. It is also important to show sympathy when the topic of suicide comes up in other contexts, because if we imply that only bad people do suicide, then our friends and family who share those thoughts will feel too much shame to tell us and we will never have the opportunity to help them.
If you are having thoughts like this, it can be important to connect with people even
though it feels hard. You can also call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or you can call 800-615-6514, which is a 24/7 national crisis hotline to support newly resettled Afghans. These hotlines are free, confidential, and exist to connect people with the resources they need.
For some, suicidal thoughts represent a way of escaping problems or stress which can feel overwhelming. Understanding this may be helpful in shifting focus from ending one’s life as the solution to despair towards other sources of respite in life that allow one to choose to continue living.
When someone is depressed, it is like they are wearing tinted sunglasses: things that are bright may seem dark to them, and things that may seem slightly dimmed to us may feel irredeemably dark to them. But even when someone’s outlook has become dark, they can feel the love and affection of those around them being present and making their love known.